The Procedure Conclusion

You need to heal.

The past few weeks have taught me that you need to heal. Leaning on your family and friends to help with the things that you would normally do is ok. I did have to come to grips with the idea that the world does not end because you cannot do what you normally do or, more specifically, what you think you should do. Our bodies are these amazing things but if you do not treat them right, they are going to let you know.

This goes for mental health as well as physical health. I say this because as much as this has been a physical strain, it has been an emotional and psychological one as well. Making decisions that change your place in life are hard. Moving from one phase of your life to another. These things require reflection. Taking the time to consider and embrace your aging body is something that should be a priority. As
my Grandmother always says on her birthday, “I am getting older, but it beats the alternative”.

I couldn’t agree more with Doreen. The world we live in today is very fast paced so I believe we have this unconscious belief that even our healing should be quick. Over the last two years I have had to deal with depression and anxiety. For a long time I was not accepting what was happening to me and not taking the time I needed to let myself heal. I am still a work in progress but it is important to note that I did stop and take the time I needed. The whole process of which has made me stronger.

It is not a man and women thing.

The final thing I want to talk about more general to today’s social/political climate and I think it is just so very important for us all to remember. When we talk about reproductive rights and the war on women, it is not a war between men and women. The week before I went into the hospital a friend posted a quote from Justine Musk that summed this up perfectly. “The enemy of feminism isn’t men. It’s patriarchy. And patriarchy is not men. It is a system. And women can support the system of patriarchy just as men can support the fight for gender equality”.

I think this is important for us to remember for a few reasons. First, some of the most ardent feminists that I know are men. So let us not think that women are alone in their desire for equity. Second, I know some amazing men. They may not call themselves feminists, but they understand the inequity and are willing to talk about it. It is important that we continue to talk so we can find new ways to make advances. Finally, it is important for people to check their biases, feminists included. If we are going to make real change, we need to understand impeded biases. As an example, I want to bring you back to my procedure and my first meeting with my new OB (new town, new everything).

I went to my new OB to discuss my situation. I walked with the nurse to the examination room and passed the doctor on the way. I kid you not; the first thing I thought as I saw him by the nursing station was
“Oh crap – this guy is a cross between Alan Jackson and Peyton Manning. I knew having a male OB was a mistake, he will not get my situation”. Now, when he came in the room and started talking, I realized that he may look like a football-playing cowboy, but he got it.

What followed was a conversation with a direct and understanding individual. He addressed all the issues, and then broke it down into options ranging from doing nothing to having the procedure. All bases
covered but no judgement. And you know what he said once he laid out the options, “the decision is yours”. Simple words but in the current climate they meant a lot to me. I realized in light of all that was
happening in the media that I made an assumption about my doctor’s ability to help me. I was wrong.

I cannot believe I have to say this twice in one post, but yet again I agree with Doreen. We have to be very careful about our own biases. It has been my experience in life that you are more likely to move an issue, situation, etc. forward if you are willing to have an open dialogue. One where you listen as much as speak. Having said that, I feel that today we are facing levels of intolerance we have not seen so overtly in a long time and we have to call these out. I have read the book and am watching the series “The Handmaid’s Tale” and I know that I cannot allow complacency or apathy to land me in Gilead. The fact that we are even addressing Doreen’s doctor say “the decision is yours” makes me realize just how important this is.