The Procedure

The idea for this piece came about several weeks ago, but as it so happens, the very thing that I wanted to discuss took a bigger toll on me than I expected. Three weeks ago, I went into hospital for a hysterectomy. It was not a life-threatening situation, but one that was causing me pain and had the potential to become much worse.

Since it was not life threatening, it was a difficult decision. This procedure was going to remove a piece of my body. There were other less effective measures, but they would most likely be temporary measures.  It was a decision that would affect my family life, yet, the decision was mine.

With this decision on my mind, you can see why Deb and I both jumped at that chance to add Missie’s first contribution to our blog. The subject she was addressing hit home with what I was going through. Consider the slippery slope of these latest Abortion Bills that have passed in the United States – could my daughter find herself in her early forties wanting to have a hysterectomy so she could live a more normal life but be told no? She could have children at that age, there would be many risks but it could be possible. Could she find that she no longer had a right to manage her own reproductive health?  We addressed in an early post Deb’s decision not to have children.  Could my daughter find herself living in a time when she would not have the right to make such a decision? Could there be legal consequences for her for trying to live a life without pain as I did?

My deliberation before and after the procedure has led to many questions, discussions and concerns. They are all ideas I would have discussed at my Mother’s kitchen table. The conversations would have been long and winding, so in favor of organization, I have come up with just three main points I would like people to consider discussing.  Deb and I will be addressing these over the next few posts.

The first question, how do we get educated? 

I remember when my mother went through what I am going through. Now, our Mom was a very private person so she never discussed what was actually happening with us. What I remember, however, was her sitting in a rocking chair in the kitchen for what seemed like forever. She went to the hospital and that was about all I knew at the time.

Our Mom would not talk about these topics in general conversation. Truthfully, I am not sure how comfortable she would be with me blogging about my experience, but I think it is important. It is important for women to be able to talk about things they are going through to know they are not alone. If it were not for my amazing sister and an amazing group of friends that work in the health field, I am not sure I would have thought to do anything. I would have thought well this is just how it is.

We need to find more avenues to be educated on the phases of our lives, how to embrace those phases and most importantly be prepared for them.   There seems to be this inherent embarrassment to talk about what is happening to us.  How many times has the phrase “oooh, is it a little warm in here” been utter to cover up the fact that hormones are causing a hot flash.

This is Deb here…

I have to say I couldn’t agree more.  It is really important for us to find ways to talk freely and openly about these things.  A space where the “embarrassment” can get left at the door.  I remember many years ago when my mother-outlaw (I am now divorced and a friend shared this great term of referring to your former in-laws) was first dealing with menopause.  She was often greatly impacted by it, but my father-outlaw (he is a lovely but a very “just walk it off” kind of guy) could not understand.  At that time, I just so happened to find a great book titled A man’s guide to menopause.  I am afraid I cannot find the reference for it now but there are plenty of such books out there.  I subtly left this for my father-outlaw and you know what?  It actually helped.  Once he understood a little better what his wife was going through he was able to respond in a much more supportive way.

Whether it is our loved ones, or ourselves, having more information and taking the time to educate ourselves can only help.   It is also my hope that the more we understand the more we can stand vigilant against what appears to be an ever-increasing desire to control reproductive rights.