Uncomfortable conversations with a friend.
I have felt helpless over the last week not knowing what to do and how to positively contribute to the conversation, the protest and the movement for change. So, I started reading, watching, and trying to educate myself on as much as I could. I have some pretty amazing friends that have been actively communicating important messages and so I was not at a loss for resources. When I realized just how many resources there were, I began to see just how ignorant I am and the role that I am playing in this issue by not having educated myself more.
Then when scrolling through my IG, a post from a friend hit me like a brick. A Hispanic friend of mine who is married to a Black man wrote “Be Antiracist. We will remember our friends who were silent”. Yes, I had heard silence is compliance before but what really resonated with me was that she had the words over a picture of her sons who are in the same art camp as my daughter. It amplified the generational impact this issue has and how we all have to take a serious stance to help invoke change.
This led to a deep desire to add to the conversation, but I was nervous. I was nervous of posting the wrong thing, getting involved in something that was not mine to be involved in, and then it dawned on me. Have the conversation with someone that you trust. So, I called my dear friend, a Black woman, to start a conversation.
I started the conversation with a caveat that I was sorry for being so damn cliché by asking her to help walk me through my thoughts, but I was not mustering up the courage to do anything and I needed help. You know what happened. The first words out of her both were to thank me for calling and for seeing her. She then said, “I am not invisible to you.” That led to a conversation that was uncomfortable for me, but was met with such grace and understanding.
Through that conversation there were many things that were so eye-opening, but one was salient that led to this post. My worry about posting something was that I would have nothing new to say because when you start to read, there is so much information even specifically “Things White people can do for social justice” sites with fantastic, specific and tangible ideas of how to start change. To that my friend stated that as a White person I can say the same thing as she would say and I would be heard first.
That conversation has led to this post about my experience. A post that I hope will for at least one person, encourage them to start an uncomfortable conversation. We all need to be more open to having dialogue and here are a few things I personally need to be willing to talk about.
Privilege: This is a word that has a much more complex meaning than I grew up understanding. Growing up, I thought privilege was the big house on the hill with the tennis court and pool in the back yard. Now, I see privilege in a completely new light. In Emmanuel Acho’s “Uncomfortable conversations with a Black man”, he talks about being asked to start the race 200 meters behind the starting point. It was such a fantastic visualization to emulate a reality I have not had to live.
No one is colorblind: The idea of being colorblind is a form of compliance with the standard that we have to move past. As a friend said to be, “when you are colorblind, I become invisible to you.”
Courage to say something: We have to speak up. We all have to be heard and help fight this injustice. Write letters, engage community leaders in dialogue and push for change.
Do something: I have been overwhelmed trying to think about what I can do. Then it was explained to me that I do not have to do something that will have a global impact, I need to just act. Even if it is simply to engage in the uncomfortable conversations. We can only move forward if we are all committed to act.
So, this is our time to make a difference for our world to all of us and for generations that come after us. To ensure our growth as a society, I am going to ask anyone reading this to take a moment to do something for me. I want you to pick a quote, video or article that has resonated with you and moved you to action in this time. Then, I would ask you to pick a day 3 months from now and one 1 year from now. Then on those days set a reminder to read or watch that item again. As a society we have short memories, we move too quickly to the next big thing. This cannot be just another big thing – it needs to be a permanent intentional change. Let’s be better, let’s do better.
It is impossible to struggle for civil rights, equal rights for Blacks, without including whites. Because equal rights, fair play, justice, are all like the air, we all it or none of us has it. The is the truth of it.
Maya Angelou
* Photo by Streetwill