The Dancing Mom

In this post, we welcome a friend from our dancing years, Kelly MacArthur. Kelly is the owner of MacArthur School of dance; a Champion Highland Dancer and veteran Step Dancer. With over 38 years of dance experience, Kelly has created a dance life that young dancers dream of having. In addition to being a dancer and performer extraordinaire, she is also a Dance Mom. Our Mother put in countless hours to help us enjoy our experience and in asking Kelly to share her story, we pay tribute to all the dancing Moms that work hard to help make their little girls and boys dreams a reality.

Welcome Kelly…

When Doreen asked me to write a blog about being a dance mom - the ‘behind the scenes supporting role’ of the dancer - I had to really think of how to present and represent this. You see, I come from a different perspective than most, as I am the dance mom, but I am also the dance teacher. I really take on two roles in the background development of my tiny dancer!  

My dancer, Drea, was born into a life of music, dance and culture. Both her father and I have jobs that are steeped in the culture and traditions of Cape Breton Island. Our kids have two choices really - jump in or get out! My daughter Drea chose to jump in deep and of course I was thrilled. However, it is a long road with many great adventures, but also with many hard life lessons. One thing I know is that my own dancer - as well as she does - would be an even better dancer if I had the time to focus on just her dancing. 

 The biggest misconception by other dance moms is that my daughter has some sort of special advantage, with mom being the teacher. Many would believe she gets extra time, extra energy and extra opportunities - but it is actually quite the opposite in most respects. I’m at the Studio 5-6 days a week, from after school until past my children’s bed times, which means she has always been on her own at home to practice (since mom is busy with her 70 other dancers all week long). There is no extra practice time spent with Drea. She learned, at an early age, how to schedule and practice on her own. The same theory flows into competition and performance time, when I am busy with my many other dancers. Drea is once again just part of the team, with little extra mom time (although my dancers and parents are very respectful of this for the most part). 

In the past 10 years of my role as ‘dance mom’, my dancer and I have only ever experienced events solely as ‘mom and daughter’ on a handful of occasions. These have been mainly on trips to Scotland, as well as trips across Canada and the US. We do not get this experience on home turf, as those days normally include our whole dance family. These rare excursions mean a lot to me, as I actually get to focus on Drea’s day - her hard work put to stage, her goals, her success or failure, her happiness or sadness alone (not the ups and downs of 20 other dancers on that day). I don’t think other moms understand how hard some days are when you are following the emotions of so many, and seeing your own kid get lost in the shuffle, as you try to embody the happiness and sadness of each of your dancers that day. Each of those moms gets to walk away celebrating JUST their own dancer on that day, but I go home carrying the heart of my own girl, and the heart of 20 other dancers. 

It is also so special for Drea to have ‘mom’ really present for a day here and there, with no distractions. On a couple of occasions I have had to be selfish and plan these events alone with her, regardless of how other parents might have felt, because they can never understand how necessary they are for our own growth and sanity. In truth, I feel like I give my dancers 150% all of the time, so 6 selfish days over a 10 year period leaves me with no guilt! This doesn’t take away the love I have for my dance squad, they are my second family, but from time to time I need to balance my dance mentality! 

I think my point here is to show how important the supporting role of ‘mom’ really is to the dancer, and that it should never be taken for granted by either mom or dancer. Having that one person to run to, cry with, scream with, celebrate with, just BE with, when the day is super hard or super great is a big deal in a child’s life. I’ve given you the reasons you shouldn’t take it for granted as a mom - you get to have all these wonderful adventures and share this dance journey with your daughter on your own time. That’s very special, and not everyone has this ability in the same way, as I’ve told you with my own story. I hope each of you dance moms realize how much just ‘being present’ means for your dancer. They may be too young yet to understand, but the time will come when they look back and see how much you did for them. All the drives, all the money spent, all the time spent, all the heartbreak and happy moments - it all builds a fine young dancer, and an even better young person. I see this now looking back on my own dancing career with an incredibly supportive mom and dad in my corner. I certainly wouldn’t be the person I am, or the teacher I’ve become, had my mom not given me the opportunities and support I had as a young dancer. 

My best advice in dance and life...spend your money on the trips and adventures, they leave the best memories and build the strongest relationships. Happy Dance Momming ♥️