The Lifeboat

I am back and adjusting once again to the frigid temperatures. The cold, however, is not a problem because I am still feeling warmed after a trip to the sunshine with some of my favourite people. Reflecting on the recent spate of articles talking about the importance of the “girls trip”, I would have to agree.  It is even better for me because I count my sister among those “girls”.    

There are many of us who portray a happy shiny world on social media.  Friends, nights out, travel, great jobs, etc. I will admit to being guilty of adding a rose tinted shine to some of my posts. The one thing I have never have to add shine to though is the relationship I have with my sister.  It truly is one of those bonds that cannot adequately be put in to words.  She is my touchstone, the thing that can bring calm to my chaos but also chaos to my calm.  Trust me that is a good thing. Before Doreen, however, my Mother was my safe place. She was the one place we could both go, as did many of her friends, where we could talk without judgement.

Doreen and I were not all that close when we were younger.  We went through the phase where I was the nasty older sister and her the pestering younger one.  We had a lot of activities in common which kept us connected until our late teens but then the drift began to happen.  We got busy with our own lives.  However we always knew what the other was up to.  Mom made sure of that we were connected. Actually it may have been part of the reason we didn’t talk that much. Until she died, we spoke to Mom pretty much every day (good thing unlimited calling had come in to play by this time) and she kept us well apprised of each other. 

This meant when we did share those precious few days together at Christmas or during summer holidays we were still connected.  She kept us knit together even if the stitch was loose.

My mother once told me that she was great at knitting the pieces of sweaters but when it came to putting it all together she had to turn to her mother.  In many ways our family was like that.  We were all good at our own pieces but we had to turn to Mom to knit it together.  She had this way of making our home a place of gathering that is hard to describe.  The last house my parents lived in was one that I never lived in.  Yet every time I walked through that door I was home. 

Unfortunately, however, that connection broke when my mother died, and I will not sugar coat this. All of us, Dad, Doreen and I, were set adrift without our anchor.  However, that bond that mom foster between Doreen and I has saved me from sinking. 

Excuse the marine metaphors but our mother was a sailor after all.  And like many sailors she did not know how to swim, but she taught us that if you trust in those around you, you can find your lifeboat. You can find that person to be your place where you can be safe to go unfiltered without fear of it being everyone's business. She fostered that kind of trust and respect between Doreen and I, and for that, I am grateful.  I always know where to find my lifeboat.