It has been a while...

It has almost been a year since we last posted. It has been a year of big change, big emotions, and big loss. We have talked a fair amount about dealing with loss here.. We still feel our mom's loss keenly and now added to that feeling of loss, we have the more recent loss of our father. There was a certain suspended animation quality to dad’s life after we lost mom and as much as we miss him, we know that he is at peace now.

We had the privilege of being with both our parents as they passed. I recognize, particularly is these very strange and trying times, we were fortunate to have been with our dad in hospital as he passed. His passing was so different from our mothers. I was angry when I lost mom, but with dad, it was more a feeling of resignation. He needed his peace more than we needed him with us.

Doreen mentioned an exercise she participated in recently during a seminar where they asked participants for single words to describe themselves. It was the first time she used the word orphan to describe herself to someone else. It jarred me. I somehow didn’t see myself as an orphan, because to me that is a young child left parentless in my very limited definition. But she is right, we are orphans. The difference, however, from the common use of the word is that we spent decades knowing our parents love and their guiding hands were there at crucial times in our lives. Even now, our parents are still in many ways so present in our lives. A turn of phrase, the laugh lines on my face or the look Doreen gives her daughter (and me if I am being completely honest) when she is not happy with something are all echos of our parents. It is these little things that remind all of us to be thankful for having had our loved ones and allows them to always be with us.