One Shirt Away

I was recently heard a young man, in having fun with his friends, make the statement – “Are we not all just one shirt away from no shirt at all.” Now the statement was made with jest, but it struck me for its simplicity and truth. No matter how good someone may appear to be doing, we do not have that much of a buffer between the life we enjoy and a completely different path.  As I considered the statement further, there were two important lessons for me that came out of the conversation with these individuals. The first was about understanding the fragility of life and the other was about the value of friendship. I will try to unpack them here.

Fragility of Life

As we embrace our summer months here in North America, social media has been flooded with pictures of people enjoying themselves, enjoying friends, and enjoying their own and new communities. One important thing to remember, however, is that for all the joy that social media promotes, there is also hardships that people do not disclose because they do not want to burden others. We too rarely talk about the pain we feel, the losses we experience, or the troubles that come along. This lack of conversation can have us struggling with our own feeling isolated in our pain.

As an example, I was talking to a man that is very dear to me who had a serious accident he had. One week he had the world by the tail with a beautiful family, loving spouse, a community that embraced him, work he enjoyed, and then one normal day things changed. He had a serious injury that left him spending most days in bed and with a long road to recovery. When I talked to him, I asked the usual question “how are you?” and his answer was beautifully honest – “I am doing ok. Not there yet, but I am getting there.” He talked about how his family and community got him through it and that he is not 100 percent. He talked about how, at first, he tried to pretend everything was fine, but realize that just brought more stress.

I think there are so many of us that try to pretend everything is fine. When you are experiencing something like an injury, a physical or mental illness, financial troubles, or personal setbacks, we expect that we are just going to get better, but realistically we work with it, not always work through it. The pain of losing a loved one, the struggle to manage anxiety or depression, or the stress of managing day to day is not easy. The important thing to remember, however, is that you are not alone.

Friendship

Not being alone leads me to the second lesson from the young man’s words. The idea that we are never alone in our struggles and even when you cannot imagine the other person has the same problems as you, you may be surprised. In a simple phrase of “are we not all just …” helps us realize that we are not all that different from other people. There is a sense of peace that has helped me through my mental health struggles when I remind myself that what I am experiencing does not mean there is something wrong with me. I am human. I, like others, have my struggles and that I need to accept that it is ok to work on me, take the time I need to grow, develop, and to heal. In this process, however, I have found value in having people in my life that I can have honest discussions with. The people that can allow me to talk about and explore the things that are weighting me down.

So, if I can finish this blog with a piece of advice, it would be to remember to nurture friendships that sustain you. The people that will help you when you have no shirt. Because we no idea what tomorrow holds.