45 years from now
This past week I celebrated my 45th birthday. It is not a major milestone for many but one that seems to have affected me nonetheless. To be honest, I blame Stan Rogers. I am going to have to tell you the end of this story before I get to the beginning.
I will never ever forget the look shared between my parents in my mother’s final moment. The love was more profound than anything I had ever seen. The road that brought my parents to that moment was full of highs and lows but regardless there was always so much love. Even in moments when anger would flare, love was always there. When trying to win favor with our mother, Dad would often reference Stan’s song and tell her that he all he wanted was to see her smiling face “45 years from now”.
As a result it would appear that number stuck with me, some magical length of time for a relationship or something like that. My parents marriage and my birth occurred in the same year. I have always known their anniversary in reference to my age. I believe that’s why the number 45 has impacted me. My dad didn’t get the chance to see our mother’s smiling face for 45 years. No matter how many times I tell myself that I am grateful for all the time we had with our mother, it stills make me sad.
When talking to Doreen about this, we realized that one of the most important lessons we took from our parents’ relationship was that relationships take work. Regardless of the nature- romantic, platonic or familial- it takes work to make a relationship flourish. In a world where people are chasing likes or retweets and are willing to ‘unfriend’ you for simply not agreeing with their point of view, we are reminded that real relationships take a lot of work. They take apologizing, owning our flaws and forgiving even if it hurts.
At the base of any great relationship, like the one our parents had, is a foundation built on trust and love. My sister and I were not blind to the ways both of those things were tested in our parents marriage but they were there nonetheless. They worked through the difficult times and sustained their partnership.
Trust and respect means that you can disagree with a person without losing them. You can give and receive criticism without feeling hurt. You are there for each other in the good times and bad. Our parents taught us that in those important “45 years from now” relationships, love and respect go hand in hand.
ED Missie Brown